Finglish?

All discussion about Shadowgrounds.

Seen any Finglish around here?

Yep
2
33%
Nope
4
67%
 
Total votes: 6

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HostileMushroom
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Finglish?

Postby HostileMushroom » Wed Jan 25, 2006 9:51 pm

Did anyone else here notice a slight hint of Finglish here and there under the generally fluent English used in the game? :idea:

Was it intentional :?:

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Sampo
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Postby Sampo » Wed Jan 25, 2006 10:15 pm

I did not but I bet if there was some, it would be unintentional. Can you give examples?

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HostileMushroom
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Postby HostileMushroom » Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:38 pm

Let's see...

Mhhmmm, mind if i'll use the "story" part of the website for my example? It's the easiest source of precise quotes for me at the moment.
If people are intrested however, i'll happily dig up more.


Let me also clarify that i really mean that there is only a hint of it in the texts, generally (in the game) in the form of clumsy dialog or unnecessary repetition of certain words.


Space exploration became a hot topic in the 2030s. The Earth was riddled with ever-growing pollution, impurities and overpopulation. NASA's positive progress with the Mars colony got other organisation and even private companies to invest more heavily in various space research projects.[/i]

Typo: S missing after "organisation"
Fing: the "s" in the middle should be an "Z".

Fing: "More heavily" would sound better if one of the words would be removed.
I think it's called tautology or something such, having an unnecessary adjective after the first (adjective).
Translating it to Finnish:
"Enemmän

The "Various space research projects" would also in my opinion sound better if it were more precise, now it leaves me to think the writer just couldn't think of anything. But that's minor, and that's only me.

International Space Exploration Union (ISEU) was formed in the late 2030s. Its goal was to get information on possible habitable planets and other options, including terraforming existing planets or moons into something more suitable for human life.


Nothing horrible here, just an extra "more" there just before the "suitable".
At least i think it is, i mean, why would they bother terraforming planets just halfway suitable for human life? O_o


Space travel got a huge boost when the first fusion-powered spaceships were ready to go. ISEU's Protoplastus was one of those ships - its mission was to gather information about the possible homes for human colonies. It was stuffed with the latest research equipment and technology.


"A huge boost"? Sounds freaky. I'd rather phrase it something like "entered a new age of exploration (maybe not :p)" or "Took a long leap".
Something like that. A huge boost just sounds like an athlete having some good old "Hemo-Hes".

It was "stuffed"? stuffed sounds like...
Stuffing your lunchbag with ham and cheese, not like preparing an hi-tech spaceship with fragile technological components. :p
Stuffed sounds like neither technological nor scientific.
Maybe: "Equipped with the latest research equipment and built with cutting edge technology".
Or something such.

Within a decade, Protoplastus found something extra-ordinary - even shocking. In disbelief, scientists stared at the findings. A couple of good "new home" candidates had been found but most surprisingly, one of these was much closer than anyone had thought: on Jupiter's moon Ganymede. If an artificial atmosphere could be created and the overall temperature raised, Ganymede or parts of it could become habitable.


Ok i think.

ISEU announced plans for a new program to terraform Ganymede in the 2050s. Artificial Environment and Atmosphere Experiment (AEAE) would last half a century and utilize cutting-edge technology to transform Ganymede for human needs. Nine unmanned Evolution-class ships were to launch with a purpose of starting a chainreaction - of life.


Were to be launch or were to be launched?
A question, that's all...

But ISEU needed to raise a lot of money to greenlight the project. The findings were still subject to much debate and controversy, and support was lacking. Eventually ISEU received heavy funding from IGTO, a private military coalition formed by the most influential countries in NATO. IGTO had clear plans for Ganymede: a space observation laboratory would be built, complete with a small space station. ISEU reluctantly agreed (the vote was tight, 52-46) but added a condition that IGTO may not under any circumstances build a military complex or weapon research facility.


I don't think it's so intresting who founded the IGTO, i'd rather know who and what it consists of.

"...build a military complex..." It'd be better with "...build any military complexes or...", certainly they weren't forbidden just to build A (specific) complex?
Either that, or an "A" must be added after "or" before "...weapon research..".

With funding in place, the AEAE project was launched and monitored closely. After two decades of close scrutiny and dozens of tests, the Ganymede project was finally declared a success. Provectus I, the first manned spaceship to Ganymede, was given permission to launch in 2070.
Provectus I carried scientists, engineers, research equipment and building blocks for a small colony base. Half-a-year later, when the ship arrived and the crew settled down, test results were even better than expected. An atmosphere existed and the temperature was rising month by month. Ganymede was still cold, battered and dark - but it was also a new beginning, a new home. The colony was named New Atlantis.


"..close scrutiny and dozens of tests..." Would IMO sound better as "...close scrutiny and testing..."

Like someone said: "Consider brevity the soul of wit".
-> The shorter the better, a sentence look more fluent if it is short.

"...crew settled down..." I think the word combo "settle" and "down" is more commonly used for calming down. Not entirely sure though.

There's an extra "even" before "...better than...".

The colony grew quickly. Two new Provectus-class ships brought more materials and men - even some civilians - to New Atlantis. Now in the year 2096, the population has reached its current peak of over 8000 people. More growth is expected as soon as new AEAE facilities are built. Future challenges include better transportation system for the Earth-Mars-Ganymede route, where only three commercial space ships currently operate alongside the ISEU/IGTO ships, and the completion of the AEAE project. Ganymede's temperature is expected to reach its optimum setting in the 2100s. Currently the temperature varies from freezing cold to pleasantly chilly.


I had to check this (as well as some oter things along the way) with dictionary.com, and i don't think i'm mistaken in saying that "...pleasantly chilly." is definately Finglish.
Only a Finn could enjoy chilly weather; by its definition it is cold enough to cause shivering! :P



Notes: This was hastily written, i haven't the time now to review my own writings, so i will welcome any counter criticisms you (people) might be storing away somewhere.

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fb_joel
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Postby fb_joel » Thu Jan 26, 2006 1:43 am

Heh, cheers! We never really had time to get any native speakers to proof read the website texts, but the ingame text was proof read (not sure how well in the end, though).

Anyway, I'll give these a closer look soon.

Edit 23 February 2006: Fyi, I've changed most of the things mentioned above and below.
Last edited by fb_joel on Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
// Joel, Frozenbyte team

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HostileMushroom
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Postby HostileMushroom » Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:54 pm

Ahhh, well i did think i saw more of it on the webpages.

Anyway, i did a bit o' checking at good ol' Emicrone's, and look what i found! :lol:


Note: Hand copied - may contain typos, by me.

Load Screen
The Emicron Research Base is a heavily guarded military base.
Its existence has been denied several times because military research is not allowed on Ganymede... But rumors talk about secret IGTO operations. Including future warfare experiments.


Just a bit odd, having a double of "base" in the first sentence. I'd replace the second with "Compund" or "Complex" or... Something such.
Unnecessary repetition of words makes one think you've got a short vocabulary.

The other thing i noticed is less obvious, not a mistake really, just a flavor thingy; "...rumors talk..."
It just sounds like two rumors would be having an intelligent dialog.
"...rumors tell..." would IMO sound a little better.
But that's just me.

Mission Objective
Apparently IGTO has violated the Ganymede foundation laws. The Emicron Research Base has means to take down the Alien Mothership. According to Colonel Roger Smith. Is this a blessing in disguise? Get to missile control and follow the Colonel's orders.


It's only the "apparently" being somewhat out of place here. It adds an feeling of uncertainty to what should be fairly obvious by now.
(You've already seen a combat drone, a cannon packing weather station etc.)
Certainly it is synonymous with "obviously", but i think it is more often used in the meaning of "seemingly", which is somewhat uncertain.


Now, to get inside...
(several) PDAs and Computer Screens

From the document: Order to Evacuate:
"All military personnell are ordered to wear full combat equipment and check their combat gear."


There's a double of "combat" there in that one sentence, and the logical order for the orders would be to first check your equipment, THEN equip it. :wink:

From the document: Techyon Combat Armor, pages 1 & 2
"...been briefed on the previous plans and was very impressed..."


(He) Was impressed? (But) Is no more? It could also use an "I" in front of "was".

"...team are supposed to make a working prototype..."


Methinks it'd do better without the "supposed", it sounds like the writer is either intending not to do what he is told, or is doubdting his chances of getting the prototype ready, ever.

From Page 2

"The military personnell were really impressed and wanted to wear these armors as soon as possible."


I think the "were" should be "was". (They were, the personnell (it) was)

Also, "...wear these armors...". These armors?
Like, these armors over here? Over there? Sorry dude, i can't see them. :P
Maybe "the personnell... wanted the armors ready for use as soon as possible".
Something like that. ^^


From the document: Aien Contact
"A contact from outer space has been received."


...By some unknown third party? Maybe that's intentional, but it'd sound better as "we have received".

"All tests are to commence..."


Well, it could be intentionally attempting to make the world look self-referential, but it's kind of leaving the player out of the picture, leaving him guessing what the heck General Paul Hagen is referring to.
I think the scientists might be puzzled too. :P

"...focus all its efforts..."


I think it should "focus all of it's efforts".
But it works even without (the extra "of").

From the document: Electric Gun
"...beam contains nanos that actively..."


(Methinks) They are called nanobots.

"Targets are not likely to survive after having received certain amounts of the energy."


"Targets" + "certain amounts" Is (too) unspecific.
You could also say that you can kill a huge giant whale with an airsoft pistol, if you just shoot it many enough times. :P
(Sure you can shoot it in the eye or something, but that's not the point)

Better would IMO be:
"With sufficient energy application, it should be capable of killing anything smaller than a bus."
While it isn't really specific, it does contain the implications that it
1) Can kill big things.
2) Can do it in an reasonable amount of time.
#> Otherwise it'd have been logical for the writer to pick an smaller example creature/target size.






EDIT: Oh, and something i've been noticing is that dots and commies look very much alike in the game, the only way to determine what is what is through context analysis. :P
Image

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Ransom Arceihn
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Postby Ransom Arceihn » Fri Feb 03, 2006 1:06 am

HostileMushroom wrote:Typo: S missing after "organisation"
Fing: the "s" in the middle should be an "Z".

Er, just a minor point here, Americans spell 'organisation' with a Z. As far as I know everyone else spells it with an s, I know England and Australia do.
I'd like to offer you some hope. But . . .

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HostileMushroom
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Postby HostileMushroom » Fri Feb 03, 2006 6:44 pm

I sit corrected. :P


Cambridge is telling me that you are not mistaken, though it does not mention Australia specifically.
Image

Helios

Postby Helios » Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:52 pm

HostileMushroom wrote:From the document: Electric Gun
"...beam contains nanos that actively..."



(Methinks) They are called nanobots.

Or shorter nanites

e-0r

Postby e-0r » Sun Feb 05, 2006 9:09 am

"Nano" is just a prefix, like in "nanometre" or indeed "nanobots".


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